Susan Keeler Smith

This morning I lost the most inspirational and courageous woman I have known.

Many of you are aware that my dear sister-in-law Susan Keeler Smith had suffered from metastatic breast cancer for the past 15 years. I am saddened greatly to report that early this morning (Dec. 1, 2011) Susan passed peacefully in her sleep with my brother by her bedside at Prentice Women’s Hospital.

When someone deals with metastatic breast cancer the long-term outlook isn’t good, and Susan continued to defy these odds even until the end. It was over a month ago that her doctor told us on a Thursday (Oct. 27) that she wouldn’t make it through the next Monday (Oct. 31).

You can imagine that none of us were really surprised when not only she made it through the weekend but was more alert and awake in the follow days and weeks than she had been in the few months prior. We weren’t shocked because a) it is no secret that Thanksgiving was Susan’s favorite holiday and b) she was hopeful to make it to another Thanksgiving.

You see, for all the great things I can say about Susan, and trust me there are many as she was the “older sister” that I never had (and I was always quick to remind her how much of an “older” sister she was to me), her will, desire, courageousness, and class are what I will forever remember her by.

It was never that Susan tried to “defy the odds” or even think that she would be able to “beat cancer.” She knew her long-term fate was going to be the shame, but she also knew that no matter how much medicine, how many treatments, how many new drugs they tried on her, or anything else that life threw at her, the one thing she could control was how she dealt with it. By her attitude and determination to live her life as best she could she would be in control. 

She had two options 15 years ago when her cancer returned; she could sit back, take the hand dealt to her and ultimately wait to die, or she could look it square in the eye, realize her life would be different now but that wasn’t going to stop her from living it to its fullest potential.

The Thanksgiving Day example I gave earlier is just one of hundreds of examples of how Susan’s determination over the last 15 years is what guided her life, and not cancer. It wasn’t until the last few years that Susan rarely missed a trip to see family, witness a marriage of friends, or enjoy a much-needed vacation with her husband and daughter. If she had made it up in her mind that she was going to be somewhere, she was going to be there.

Of course her ability to be called “mom” over the last 9 years was her most recent driving force. The example she showed to Grace of how to respect others, have compassion, courage, and an appreciation for the arts will be a beacon of light forever.

When someone has a terminal illness I think it is natural for the loved ones around them to contemplate their relationship with the person suffering and the impact they had on them. I will consider it a blessing that I have had so much time to dwell on this subject as Susan continued to deal with her disease with such ferociousness.

I realized I was able to love her deeply and this is the same woman that while having this terrible and dreaded disease was able to:

-- Become a loving, caring and strong mother.

-- Be my biggest sounding board as I went through my divorce (a situation sadly she could relate to).

-- Not know who Ozzie Smith was.

-- Let us take over her condo on our regular visits to Chicago

-- With a few bottles of wine could solve all the world’s problems and remind Steve how wrong he was about many of his political views.

-- Stay up and watched a World Cup game with me in 2002 that kicked off at 3 a.m. local time and then watched as me and my “other brother” shot-gunned a beer on her condo balcony to great the rising sun! 

-- Be the first person I called and told I thought I found someone I wanted to marry again (after of course swearing off the idea to her just a year or so earlier).

-- Be a spokesperson/”poster child” for Gilda’s Club in Chicago and try to tell her story to as many people as she could in hopes of giving them a ray of hope.

-- Be such an inspiration that she was invited to attend a star-studded event in Austin put on by the Lance Armstrong Foundation (the LiveStrong folks).

-- While even dealing with treatments and drugs, was a regular caller to check in on Kelly and I after the sudden and premature loss of our twin boys.

-- Be in St. Louis shortly after Kennedy was born to see her new niece.

-- Not even 6 months ago, mustered up all the strength she had to be with Steve, Grace and all of us in St. Louis as we laid “Opa” to rest.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

There are a lot of mysteries to life and this world, but I can’t help but think of the discussion we all had with Susan just this summer as we dealt with the sudden passing of my father. She considered it a blessing that just this spring the two of them were able to go over Bible readings and other elements she would want in her memorial service. It was really the first time she talked to anyone with such openness on the matter.

I also can’t help but think that Susan’s own father Owen, my father, and a host of other loved ones and friends are welcoming her with open arms right now in heaven. She is giving our boys the hugs she promised she would when we I was able to say my final “good-bye” to her last month.

Her cancer is finally gone, but she will be with us forever. 

If you haven't seen it yet, or are interested, you can see Susan's CaringBridge page by going here.